Ofrenda
I was just in Austin visiting friends I’ve known since high school this past week. We aren’t able to get together on regular holidays, what with family obligations and such, so we invented our own holiday and called it the Alliday. We do our gift exchange, go out and have a fancy meal, tell stories and generally enjoy each other’s company.
Of course, the subject of the Greenland Sharks came up along with our monthly outings. (Don’t forget the Flippers and Fins event coming up on October 17th.) Finding your people and things to do with them can be tough. My friends Ken and Mitch both play guitar and can usually find a gig or a group to play with. If you’re more like me, talent-challenged, it can be a little more difficult to do. But as Paul pointed out, it’s important to get out and participate. You’ve got to get out or become more and more isolated.
One of the things we did when I was in Austin was walk around the Antique Gallery. Yeah, I know it’s kind of an old people thing to do, but we were basically burning time before we had to get to a movie. While I was there, I bought a $2 red Día de los Muertos patch for my scooter jacket. I’ve always thought that particular holiday/celebration was brilliant. Remembering friends and family who have passed and telling amusing stories about times you had and trouble you got into always seemed like the best way to honor them. It’s certainly how I want to be remembered.
Since we are firmly in the season of the wren, not the robin—the spooky season, if you will—it’s a good time to reflect on life. Getting old and facing your own mortality can be unsettling, but throwing in a 20-foot skeleton and a cackling witch that you can’t understand but can hear a block away can help put more of a playful spin on it. I’ve often said I don’t think I’ll mind being dead; it’s just how I get there that worries me.
So this year I think I’ll put together an ofrenda and reflect on the loved ones who have passed to honor their memory and to “remember that time when…” In the men’s group I’m in, my contribution was to go through C. S. Lewis’ The Four Loves. Getting through the various chapters was, shall we say, a bit of a slog. Let’s just say, attitudes in general have evolved since Clive’s time. But the reason I chose it was this passage. I’ll paraphrase and make it very personal to me:
In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole person into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all their facets. Now that Annette is dead, I shall never again see Jill’s or Kenny’s reaction to a specifically Annette joke. Far from having more of Jill and Kenny, having them “to myself” now that Annette has passed away, I have less of Kenny and Jill.
It’s important to remember that and make the absolute most of the time we have. Meet with friends, try new things, find an interest outside of doomscrolling your phone.
A few years ago, my cousin Terri and I were discussing life, finances, retirement and goals, and she told me what she told her kids when they were growing up. She said that they could either “have things or do things.” That has always stuck with me. I was thinking about that when we were wandering the Antique Gallery and my friend Mitch mentioned a Kathy Mattea lyric from the song titled Why Can’t We. It goes, “When we come down to the River Jordan as we all must surely do someday, all our treasures will be a burden. Somethin' for someone else to throw away.” That lyric is part of a set of quotes I have on my fridge to remind me that life isn’t a rehearsal; it’s spilling out before us at 60 minutes per hour. The other part of the quote says, “Do not save your good things. Annotate the books. Use the china. Wear the clothes until they wear out. Your life should not be a museum. Being alive is as special an occasion as it gets.”
With that in mind, maybe take the kids trick-or-treating in the fancy neighborhoods where they give out the full-sized Snickers bars. Leave some silly notes around the house where people will find them. Go to one of the “10 things to do this weekend” listed in the local paper and make it an adventure. Generate some memories so when it’s all said and done, people will have great stories to tell when they remember you.
About Greenland Sharks
Greenland Sharks is a Chicago men's group who value friendship, experiences, and the long swim. Just a crew that shows up. No speeches. No name tags. No nonsense.
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