Life in the Slow Lane

My new favorite pool

Years ago I was speaking to my friend Vince on the porch of our dear friend Martin’s cabin near Spooner Wisconsin. It’s the kind of place that still had a fridge from the 1950s, no television, and an unspoiled view of Lake McKenzie. I remember venting about how overwhelmed I felt – work was too much, I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up (still don’t), and overall, I just wasn’t happy.

For years Vince had been living with AIDS and had been fighting the good fight as long as I could remember. As the setting sun reflected off the water and projected a shimmering glow on our faces, Vince said something that stopped my drama in its tracks. “It’s never too late to start feeling good about yourself, Paul.” He died at Weiss Memorial Hospital a few months later. That moment in Spooner has woven itself into my life’s DNA, gifted to me by a courageous person that didn’t have long to live.

It's not always easy to separate life’s to-dos from who we are. Most days, I gauge my success by how productive I’ve been, how many boxes I’ve checked off my list. Last Wednesday was a prime example:

• Meditate and stretch

• Water the lawn

• Water the plants

• Do the dishes

• Two loads of laundry

• Answer emails and texts

• Develop visual identity implementation plan for work

• Consolidate brand survey findings

• Join four Zoom/Teams calls

• Grocery shopping

• Pick up/drop off dry cleaning

• Pick up prescription

• Meal planning and prep

• Take a walk

At the end of the day, I’m usually in a project management frenzy. My wife Shazi mocks me when I often say before dinner, “I need to pee real quick.” She’s also points out I habitually state “I’m going to take a fast shower” or “I need to run to the store.” It’s like I’ve forgotten that daily routines aren't about speed and efficiency. They just need to happen.

Life’s a balancing act. You can be physically fit and spiritually empty. Mentally tough but aerobically winded. Joyful yet withdrawn. The whole “put your oxygen mask on first” advice really is true – but finding what genuinely makes you happy is where the magic happens.

I recently caught up with a former boss. We used to collaborate on some heavy global projects, but none of that came up in our conversation. Instead, we talked about life – about having perspective. We were grateful for the chance to reconnect as dads and reflect on how we’ve done a pretty decent job raising our sons. That made me feel good about myself.

Fireworks at Union Pier Beach

On the 4th of July, Shazi and I spent time with our friend Adam in southwest Michigan. It’s amazing how stepping out of your routine delivers more lasting satisfaction than any day packed with accomplishments. We made slow, thoughtful meals, caught the sunset and fireworks on the beach, and got a kick out of interacting with WWE wrestler Bron Breakker at a restaurant in Buchanan.

Just yesterday, we visited a beautiful family farm with a pool tucked behind a sun-soaked red barn. The view stretched out over sixty peaceful acres. The pool even had one of those motel-style slides that took me right back to childhood – splashing around with my brother John after a long day in the backseat, squabbling over who crossed the invisible line.

Back then, it didn’t take much to be happy.

As I lounged by the pool drying off, I realized – I felt good. Actually, I felt great. But dammit, I needed to pee. Mindful not to break the spell, I quietly wandered around the barn to a secluded patch of wildflowers – Trillium, Purple Coneflower, Black-eyed Susan. And you know what?

I peed as slowly as I possibly could.