It's About Time
- Paul Baumeister
- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
The past few weeks, my wife Shazi and I have been going through our basement and garage in anticipation of holding a once-in-a quarter-century yard sale. It’s been hard work project-managing the decluttering of two storage areas. I’ve found many items from my childhood (like my Cub Scout uniform and long jump trophies) as well as entire boxes packed away after my mom and Shazi’s dad passed.
Tuesday, I came across a small bag containing two dusty watches. Not collectible Rolexes. Just ordinary watches my parents wore long before iPhones, Alexas, and digital assistants took over our lives. Holding them felt strangely grounding. Time was still moving in my grade school years but it somehow felt slower, quieter, and more present.
Wednesday, I told Shazi I was struggling to stay still. My brain was bouncing between the yard sale, work, doctor appointments, errands, emails, and the hundred other things clamoring for attention. “You are the priority,” she said. And honestly, that’s all it took for me to hit the reset button. Life isn’t about getting everything done, it’s about being present for the part you’re actually living.
Which got me thinking...
How would a 400-year-old Greenland Shark handle anxiety?
The Long Swim
Fade in on a dark, cold section of the North Atlantic. Two Greenland sharks drift slowly through the water like retirees wandering a Costco on a Tuesday morning. MEL is ancient, calm, and spiritually evolved. FRANK is the same age but stressed out for roughly 312 consecutive years.
A beat of silence. Tiny fish drift by.
FRANK: I’m overwhelmed.
MEL: By what?
FRANK: Everything. I’ve got too much going on.
MEL: Frank...we’re sharks.
FRANK: Exactly. You know how many wrecks I haven’t explored? I still haven’t finished the Titanic. I got halfway through and got distracted by a boot.
MEL: You’ve been “meaning to get back to it” since 1917.
FRANK: I know! That’s my point. Time flies.
MEL: We live four hundred years.
FRANK: That’s what makes it worse. Every time I put something off, I’m like, “Ah, I’ve got centuries.” Then suddenly it’s the Enlightenment.
A long pause as they slowly glide past a rusted anchor.
FRANK: You ever think about mortality?
MEL: No.
FRANK: Really?
MEL: I’m 437 years old. At this point, I mostly think about lower back stiffness and whether I already ate that decaying seal.
FRANK: See, this is why you’re relaxed. You don’t care about productivity.
MEL: Frank, last week you made a to-do list.
FRANK: Organization calms me.
MEL: One item said: “Finally process Renaissance.”
FRANK: It was a confusing time.
MEL: You slept through most of it.
FRANK: Exactly! I drift off for a few decades and suddenly everybody’s painting cherubs and eating with tiny metal rakes.
Another pause. A tiny fish cleans Frank’s side.
FRANK: I feel like I should’ve accomplished more by now.
MEL: Frank. You survived the Black Plague, the invention of the steam engine, and disco.
FRANK: Disco was hard.
MEL: We all lost friends in disco.
FRANK: You know Lars started a nightclub under the ice shelf? “Studio Fjord.” Total disaster.
MEL: Too exclusive.
A beat.
MEL: Look…you don’t have to do everything. Life’s long. Drift a little.
FRANK: Easy for you to say. You’ve achieved inner peace.
MEL: No, I just move so slowly my anxiety can’t catch me.
Frank considers this deeply.
FRANK: That’s actually profound.
MEL: It’s also because I have parasites in my eyes.
They drift in silence again.
FRANK: You hungry?
MEL: Eventually.
About Greenland Sharks
Greenland Sharks is a Chicago men's group who value friendship, experiences, and the long swim. Just a crew that shows up. No speeches. No name tags. No nonsense.
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