Dings, Dents, and Structural Damage

My structurally imperfect spine

My wife Shazi recently bought a “new” used car – a 2017 Lexus RX350 with more features than I’ll ever know how to use. A couple of days after we brought it home, I spotted a scrape on the front bumper. This was before I’d even sent in the first car payment. A week or two later, the inevitable “Chicago kiss” appeared. I asked Shazi if she knew anything about these dings. Unsurprisingly, she said no. She didn’t even know what I was talking about.

There are things in life some guys seem to obsess over – grill marks on steaks, manicured lawns, and cable management. We all have our quirks and mine has been dings and dents on cars. I think I can trace this back to my adolescence when, as an acne riddled high schooler, I tried to every product I could find in hopes there wouldn’t be a new zit on my face when I woke up. I’ve gotten used to the fact my skin isn’t perfect – and neither is the paint on my cars.

A few years ago, I was in my dermatologist’s office going through a routine skin exam. “I don’t like the look of that thing on your nose” she said with a sigh. A biopsy confirmed it was a basal cell carcinoma. The following week I was back in the office experiencing the joys of Mohs surgery. It wasn’t the most pleasant thing to have the skin on the side of my nose routed out but I’m glad I took care of it when I did. The doctor said the tissue was a more aggressive form of basal cell.

My father, Roger, died of malignant melanoma, so my brother and I are always on high alert for suspicious moles. These days, I’ll happily trade dings and dents for a simple, life-saving procedure. Like the Greenland Shark, we all pick up a few marks along life’s journey. I’m even proud of the scar I earned decades ago, running blindly into an I-beam in a dark Edgewater laundry room.

Structural damage – that’s a different story. I’ve had back, neck, and hip surgeries to correct alignment issues. After my hip surgery, my boss gifted me an autographed picture of the Six Million Dollar Man and a talking Lee Majors figure. He loved walking by my cube and saying, “We can rebuild him. We have the technology. Better… stronger… faster.”

Like my twenty-year-old Civic, I require regular maintenance to avoid a full breakdown. I’ve started lifting weights again—not the red-faced, vein-popping kind, but enough to stabilize my artificial cervical disk and support the arthritic corners of my spine and hip. It feels good to return to a familiar routine, one that’s all about stability.

Greenland Sharks killing it on the four square court last weekend

Last weekend, at our Greenland Sharks movie night, we played some serious four square after dinner. It was a warm and humid evening, and I was amazed that every one of the guys jumped in. Many of us have had hip and knee replacements. Our cuts and scrapes take longer to heal these days, but our reflexes – and our humor – are as sharp as ever.

As the 1984 Stranglers song reminds us: “Better watch out for the skin deep.” In a world obsessed with AI perfection, influencers hawking miracle serums, and endless Sasquatch vloggers, we’re content to reclaim the energy of the schoolyard, dings and all. That’s my idea of perfection.